December 26. 2015

GOD'S LOVE GAY ME

by Randy Moyer, Pennsylvania

           Greetings and welcome to Gay God Love. My name is Randy Moyer and I live in Landsford,  Pennsylvania. 

           I don't know where to begin, I always believed in God. All my life I trusted my Creator and loved God. 

           As a teenager, I told my Mom I was gay. Then Mom told my aunt. Then, I was ousted by my Aunt, whom I truly loved. I was so angry. 

           My Aunt decided to tell the entire family of aunts and uncles and cousins, that Randy Lee aka Butchy was gay.

           Then it began. My family made it pure hell for me. I wasn't invited to family weddings, family reunions or holiday gatherings.  Yet, I always remembered my Mom was there for me. 

           Mom would say, " Butchy I will always love you. Remember, no matter what anyone will ever say to you, God loves you too." 

           Then there was my Grandmother, my father's mother, who told my father, "He's your son! You don't push family aside-ever!"

           Grandma said, "Butchy is my grandson and I love him him no matter." 

           The struggle of my life then was hard. I loved my family. I cried tears through my prayers. I asked God to help me through this. I asked God to show me a sign or make me straight. 

           After a period of struggling, I met someone who later would be my friend. He told me after hearing about some of my situation, "God doesn't make trash."

           It found a relationship I thought, was good. Going into my second year, I learned, as in non-gay relationships, having a partner wasn't always positive. My lover relationship was physically abusive. Again, I was distraught. After learning it was OK to be gay, now something else. A bad gay relationship. 

           I began prayers with me asking God to help my lover to stop beating me, abusing me, to find the kindness in him and make him change. It didn't happen. I changed my prayers. 

           My prayer plead changed to ''God, if you can help me." Then after a night of abuse, bitter sweet, the next day, my BF/partner beat me again and I fell down the steps, all happening right before I had to work. 

           After a 3 year relationship, I decided no more. As he was driving me to work, I jumped out of the car at the red light, near work, and told him, 'Don't come back to pick me up." 

           My job was still new for me,  it was a gay bar. My new boss who was also my friend. The guy who talked of God not making trash. He refused my request to sleep at the bar. Later, I understood he was only the manager not the owner.

           I never showed people my bruises. I was so ashamed and scared. That night, I  shared  my circumstances with our fellow employees  & friends  of needing a place to stay, and within minutes, everyone I worked with was offering me refuge. 

           I knew that this was through God. To this day, the thoughts of friends wanting to help me still brings tears to my eyes.

           Working at a gay bar, God showed me love and kindness, through other gay friends I now gained in a new gay community of friends.

           To me, this was the new beginning of my gay life. Since then I dated guys, good and not appropriate, looking for my prince. I had a few serious relationships, but now have been with my lover for 12 years. Yes, a lot of frogs to find a prince. 

           My partner attends a new church with me. We were raised in the same faith. He also participates in the church choir.

           I continue to pray every night and love God. After many years the family came around to me, some not as much as others. But those who are back in my life, that means the world to me. I truly love my family and always have. Again all happening through God. 

           Through all the bad, there was a light. God never gives us more than we can endure. That's why you pray harder and mean it, and feel it. God will see you through it. Really!